Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
