I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
