I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
