Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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