Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
