Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
