I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
