ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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