Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
