We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
