Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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