there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
