Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Randomize
