All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
