pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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