Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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