dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Randomize
