Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Say something about gay babies.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
