u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
