It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
