Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
