She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
