**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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