thus making me awesome and them whores
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
