He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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