I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
