I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
