I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
