ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
