you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
