Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
