Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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