We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
