i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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