I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
