he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm getting married
To pizza
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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