never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
