its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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