um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
