it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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