During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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