I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
