My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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