he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
