I can't watch pbs sober anymore
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
