i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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