just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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