You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
