Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
