i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
