we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
