Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
