My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
