Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
