after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
