Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
