Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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