i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
