SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
