woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
