is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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