How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
